she will be leaving us soon to pursue another dream to be working with priests and nuns in different communities around Europe.  Good luck, Felma! =) the TSL kids and staff will miss you <3

how to achieve long-term happiness

again, this was taken from a collection of my research (which i forgot to jot down the source, sorry).  there's something about happiness that fascinates me.  and i have been writing about it for the past few months because people i know seem to have lost it.  i just hope this entry helps =)

unconditional self-acceptance and self-love.  some people think about their flaws more rather than highlight their blessings.  we can't blame them, for others think that nothing that they have is good enough.  our self-worth should not be based on external valuations, but rather on our basic existence as a person.  before we prowl on our next goal, why don't we just sit down and enjoy our previous accomplishments first?  this actually goes down to the basic: the most important is to know your self.  self-love means accepting your uniqueness and celebrating who you are because when you know your self deep down (what makes you happy/mad/sad etc.), it banishes insecurities and uncontentment.

a sense of interdependence and connectedness with others and in life.  detachment is what unhappy people do.  when you are connected to people, or just plain interested in other people's lives you get to feel you're not alone.  and maybe sometimes after interacting with others it will make you feel less of a sicko because apparently their lives are more fucked up than yours (yeah what a relief. hahaha).  i know that society now tolerate the selfishness of people but it still doesn't make it right.  try to live for others as well. =)

acceptance of change.  people change.  we all do - voluntarily or otherwise.  it's because we adapt to where we are or who we're with most of the time.  and sometimes, disappointments happen when people around us change.  we don't like seeing something different to what we're used to.  change is inevitable.  it is what it is.  so don't be angry that people change because it's pretty normal.  don't get mad about it.  suck it up.

acceptance that life is difficult and no one is free from pain.  i have always liked the line form the movie "as good as it gets" that goes something like 'do not get mad that others had it good'.  even if you're going through a painful phase just think of other people who are suffering more than you do.  living is never easy.  and again, don't get mad that others had it good. =)

a sense of meaning and purpose in life.  knowing your calling / purpose just doesn't happen overnight, so this is not rushed.  keep experiencing new things, keep rediscovering yourself until you get to figure it all out.

I forgot to tell you this:

lesson learned from long ago: never tell everything. it wouldn't matter anyways. ;)

dr. love's 2012 year-end report

patient number one:
He is a boy who’s been courting a girl for months.  This patient wants me to interpret her every action, her every response.  He gives out details on their daily conversations and wants me to dissect on them.  He’s just being impatient and immature and he knows it.  At least he made me master the art of not saying the same thing over and over; the art of saying the same thought in all kinds of approaches possible.  Lesson learned: I can’t make people relax and not over think when it comes to love.

patient number two:
she’s been with her boyfriend for a month and they broke up because the boy is a two-timing scumbag and a pathetic liar.  Now that they’re together again, my patient my patient has been telling me that this time it will be different, that this time she’s going to use her head.  Not happening.  She just wants to speak her heart – and I was just around mostly to listen.  I always make patients decide things on their own.  The lesson I learned from her was: I can’t stop people from creating their own destruction.  I just have to warn them of the consequences that are already set with their every action.

patient number three:
she loves to control her emotions to not fall in love because every time she does fall, her hopes get shattered by some guy.  And I am having a hard time convincing her that not all guys are the same.  Can’t blame her, though.  The boys she’s been with made her feel she was not good enough.  She kept on saying she’s had enough but hope always gets the best of her.  She was just being vulnerable and optimistic.  Which is good, I guess.  Lesson learned?  Put up a higher wall every time it gets torn down.  Because if someone wants you in their life, they’re going to fucking find a way, no matter how tall your barricades are.

let's take the happy pill =)

lol pic of the week

shiny happy people

happiness is learning new things every day

I spent hours upon hours checking out this website:

http://www.canvas.ph/

Amazing job Mr. Gigo is doing here.  I've met the guy and his project is really impressive

(and I also hope I could score out books for TSL and ATD)

because a week is not a week without looking at cat humor pics =D

lol pic of the week

soulmates.

memories (formspring)

Carlos Malvar is the author of "Crash", one of those books I've read in Powerbooks while waiting for someone.  then I started reading on his formspring and became quite addicted to it.  I miss formspring, my source of happiness. =)

the perks of volunteering

I was telling this really cute girl "peace.. peace.. peace.." but this girl misheard what I said, and kissed me on my cheeks.

the rockstar that could have been

The first two months of 2013 I had been constantly in touch with a vocalist of some band that became quite famous for his antics, and lovelife.  We talked about his weird and super deep wallposts, his ideals, his radical way of life (none of which I took seriously because hey, he might be high on something whenever he talked to me).  The communication kept on going - facebook chat, text, email - and cute thing is he remembered what we have talked about, and kept on asking more about me.

I know I easily fall for rockstars, but good God - he is too much!  I don't think I can let myself get wasted like that, so I was so guarded when it comes to him.  "He might be just one of those curious guys that got entertained by my replies everytime he talked to me", I always tell myself. 

One time he invited me to go to his gig - through FB private messaging and publicly through his facebook wall.  Sweet that he made it public.  Smooth, I know.  I will give in, I know.  I was 80% sure I'd meet up with him at that time because I just got heartbroken.  Who would say no to such invite? I was flattered.The invite was done for all the world to see. yihee.And after what happened that Thursday morning, I was ready to waste my life away.  Almost one year of anticipation for nothing.  So at that time, I was ready to say yes to any kind of invite. I was so out of it.

His gig was on a Saturday night.  That afternoon, I got a text message inviting me for a drink in Cubao Expo.  I said yes to him because it's another drinking session; I decided to just get drunk first than risk myself of having meaningless sex with a 'substance-user' - looking rock god that he is; I chose the path to be with my GP friends.

And the rest, as they say, is history.  I accidentally met the guy who broke my heart, but then changed my life.

-

*But imagine what could have happened if I decided to go to the gig. =)

why gamble??

God knows I have asked tons of people about it, and yet I still could not fully understand all the ways around it.

-

We gamble because we're brave enough to take chances.  We have faith.  We're willing to give up one part of what we have for the sake of getting more, even without an assurance of actually having it.
Some do "all or nothing".Others "try, win/lose; and repeat if necessary".

-

We all have this weird way of thinking about gambling and faith; and how it really works.  Sometimes, we just don't give up, even if we're losing a lot already.  We just shrug it off and say it's part of taking risks.  We have this thinking that one of these days all the risks will pay off; that what we've lost will be replaced - and more.

And if it doesn't, then we're just left fucked up with our own decisions.  But we walk away from it thinking that at least we tried.

-

But why do all of that?Because it's both ridiculously scary and liberating at the same time to completely fall for something without a safety net.  And we love getting the highs off of it.

-

So, are you willing to gamble now?


---o0o---
Famous last words:
"It is everything it's cracked up to be.  That's why people are so cynical about it.  It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.  And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
(Erica Jong)

please tell me if this video is an action scene, or a male-on-male soft porn. HAHAHAHAHA

click this link and be amazed on how much you have wasted 5 minutes of your life by seeing this

you tell 'em, Drake.

ansabeh? =D

I'm quirky, silly, blunt, and broken. My days are sometimes too dark, and my nights are sometimes too long. I often trip over my own insecurities. I require attention, long for passion, and wish to be desired. I use music to speak when words fail me, even though words are as important to me as the air I breathe. I love hard and with all that I have... and even with my faults, I am worth loving.

this July. =)

it's cold out here in the city of silence

have you gotten it all figured out?


me, neither.


so until I haven't gotten what I have been asking for, I think it's best to keep everything to 

myself


and stay here on my safety net.

lol pic of the week

devil FB

This post was originally published on Mashable.


In today's world, not having Facebook is akin to leprosy. Surely something must be wrong with you if you have no social account to show for your life. How will people follow your achievements, your relationships or your weight gain without a social presence to stalk?
The existential crisis of the 21st century has become: "If something happens and you don't put it on Facebook, did it ever happen?" Joking aside, it's true many of us feel that Facebook is the be-all and end-all of socialising; that having no social network is the same as having no friends.
But what our connected world has not taken into account are the several ways in which Facebook can harm our lives, instead of enhancing them. Sure, you can reconnect with lost friends and family, find job opportunities and keep a digital log of your life. But more commonly Facebook has become a dark hole – a place where jealousy and competition breed, where self-worth is defined by a catalogue of carefully tagged pictures and an overall productivity time-suck.

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Ultimately, we risk comparing our everyday lives to our online personas, which are often overwhelmingly composed of curated success stories and positive experiences. 
So why not simply log off? Though it's much easier said than done, willpower comes in stages. Deactivating could be the cold turkey option, but simply reducing time spent on the site could greatly improve your quality of life. Here are some reasons you should consider it:

1. Unconscious addiction
Facebook is habit forming. Much like any other addictive substance, it's completely plausible to get hooked on social networking, one study claims. But unlike smoking or other dangerous activities, it's much harder to notice the backlash from Facebook addiction, meaning you might not even know just how hooked you are. On average, women spent 81 minutes per day Facebooking, and men spent 64 minutes.
Seth Fiegerman points out Facebook is like a credit card – it encourages you to overspend in time you may not have. It's wiser to avoid it now than realise the lost resources later on.

2. Low self-esteem
As if you haven't punished yourself enough for that holiday weight gain, leave it to Facebook to make you feel worse.
One study shows Facebook users, especially females, feel more body conscious by looking at friends' online photos. More than half of the 600 study participants said looking at others' online albums left them wishing for the same body or weight as the person pictured – creating more negative feelings than a fashion magazine might stir up. The study added that younger users were more likely to develop eating disorders because of the pressures of social networks.
Other studies have proven that younger Facebook users are even open to increased narcissism, aggressive behaviour and sleeping problems.

3. The job hunt
The job search may be the most contested reason for deactivating your Facebook account. Though studies have shown 90 per cent of job recruiters will use a candidate's profile as part of the screening process, those same studies indicate 69 per cent of those recruiters have rejected a candidate based on the content they saw.
Other studies have shown that employers may believe a person not on Facebook is a psychopath, although that's one of the most extreme conclusions.
While you might not think your profile is in the realm of scandalous, you never know which small no-nos might trigger a company's reconsideration. You can always let your potential employer know that you had a Facebook, but deactivated it to spend more time in the real world than the online. That sentiment alone could communicate that you aren't a Facebook addict, that you will ultimately be more productive at work.

4. Applying to university
Much like applying to jobs, similar rules apply for university applications. You don't want your high school mistakes to shape the rest of your educational opportunities.
As a bonus, you'll notice the application process goes by a lot faster without a Facebook interruption every five minutes.

5. The breakup
If you're going through a breakup, do us all a favour and get off Facebook. No one wants to read your Taylor Swift-fuelled, bitter statuses claiming to be "over it". Clearly you're not. And trust us, no one is believing your post-breakup albums of "girls night awesomeness" either, so instead of looking pitiful, opt for mature.
Then after the messy breakup is over, you'll be able to forget your ex that much faster – without stalking him or her. They don't say "ignorance is bliss" for no reason.

6. Facebook envy
No surprise here, but Facebook breeds jealousy, a new study shows. Most people use the social network to post celebratory moments – forget the bad stuff. Reading a continuous stream of other people's happy moments can almost directly correlate to feeling negative about yourself, as well as comparing your accomplishments to others.
Furthermore, Facebook envy also bolsters gossip and online bullying, which can only make those involved feel worse. Deactivate and feel less pressure about creating a life of online coolness.

7. Exam time
Procrastination is in a student's blood. Whether it's studying for a test or the HSC, a biology quiz or the bar, any student can become easily distracted by Facebook, potentially leading to lower test scores.
Deactivating your account during exam time makes it that much harder to refresh your news feed, aka slack and lose focus – since it will seem like the majority of the world is out enjoying themselves (even though they're probably procrastinating, too).
If you feel like you don't have the willpower to stay off the site even after deactivating, ask a trustworthy friend to change your password and keep it out of your hands until you're done hitting the books.

8. Privacy
Privacy is always a huge concern for web users. But Facebook's ever altering data policy should be reason enough to consider logging off.
Features such as graph search render all your likes and dislikes available to anyone who can navigate a search bar. Marketers have access to significant details of your life, as well, which should make you at least slightly uncomfortable. And while you can delete pictures or statuses, nothing ever dies on the internet. Just ask US news anchor Katie Couric, whose party pictures were downloaded and used against her, or the girl whose Facebook status about President Obama lead to a federal investigation.
Without Facebook, your pictures, thoughts, work and ideas remain your own, inaccessible by potentially harmful intentions.

fly high

men vs. cats

this always give me a hard time deciding. =P

lol pic of the week

big empty.

Before Sunrise / Sunset / Midnight

Jesse: "You know, I think that book that I wrote, in a way, was like building something so that I wouldn't forget the details of the time that we spent together.You know, like just a reminder that... that once we really did meet, you know, that this was real, this happened."

share it

yay! =)

click to see:

screening schedule

flyer

isn't she lovely?

(pinterest win)

haunting


I didn't believe in 
ghosts, or devils
until I lost you
but continued to
feel you.