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| YAY <3 |
8.18.2011
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
by: Neil Gaiman
by: Neil Gaiman
the script
“I thought you were gone through the summer.”
“No, I thought so, too,but this crazy thing happened. I mean, I was camping on this beautiful beach in Crete with all these really cool people, and there was this guy that I liked, Paco, brooding and sexy, monosyllabic and totally my type. One night I'm dancing with Paco, and he kisses me. An incredible,deep kiss.”
“Spare me the details.”
“And what do I do?”
“I don't know. What'd you do?”
“I start crying. I mean, tears are rolling down my cheeks...”
“Of course you start crying.”
“...which he doesn't notice 'cause, of course, his hands are all over my body, which felt nice, which made me feel even more upset, ‘cause in a flash I saw our entire relationship, from present to future tense.”
“I mean, the incredibly hot start, with Paco basking in my love and admiration...”
“What are we doing here?”
“I just got to pick something up. Just take a second.”
“And then the inevitable moment, and I don't know why it...
I don't know why it happens, but it always does, when all that love and admiration would start to irritate him and he'd find some way to hurt me. I mean, sure, after, he'd be sorry.”
“So...?”
“I decided to unlock his beautiful lips from mine, remove his hand from my ass,and I walked away.”
“Good move.”
“I walked away, Will! From Paco!”
“Good move.”
“No one walks away from Paco!”
“I like the story.”
“And it felt life-changing. And I realized I had to tell someone. When I realized who that person was, it was so unexpected.”
“..It's like when something is staring you in the face… and it's like you're too blind to see it... What's that?”
“I have some news for you, too.”
(April walks out from the jewelry store)
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are you so upset?”
“Don't you think it's a little weird we've been writing each other for however long and somehow you neglect to tell me that, A, you've fallen in love,and, B, you've fallen in love!”
“I told you I was dating someone.”
“Dating someone. You just bought a diamond engagement ring for someone!”
“I'm sorry. I think I was just nervous to tell you.”
“Why would you be nervous to tell me?”
“I don't know.”
“I love this girl so much. I'd just really like you to be happy for me.”
“I can be happy for you. Of course I can be happy for you.”
---
(back to Will Hayes talking to her daughter)
“Poor April. She's like the character in the story who's always been the friend. Then she realized she doesn't just want to be the friend. She wants to be the girlfriend,except it's too late.”
“What do you mean?”
“Weren't you listening? She came home for you.”
another muse bites the doll
with all the conversations we had, it got me thinking.
and i came up with this lousy excuse so i won't get to feel uncomfortable as it is.
sweetpea, you are man enough to go out and try to love again.
---
'all you need is love."
no, not that groupie kind of love. that kind of love that wants you
so bad, the kind that loves your effort in making yourself a better man.
the kind of love that is not selfish. the kind that makes you laugh.
the kind that knows when she should shut the fuck up and just
appreciate the beauty in quiet time. the kind that enjoys the same things
as you do. that has the same passion like you do. the kind of love
that doesn't go nuts on you (because you've got enough shit in your head
to deal with). the kind of love that is not the jealous type. the kind
that doesn't have as much issues on her like Vogue. i meant that crazy/beautiful kind of love. i got it, but you don't want it.
*sigh.
---
when was the last time you've fallen in love? if
you have to think about it then it's been too long.
LOVE. like, right now, with me.
---
and so, you've got your heart broken.
so does everyone.
and so, it hurts to the core.
at least you're still alive.
i don't know you
but that is what i think of you.
---
i know that you are out there to have fun and i respect that.
unfortunately i don't categorize myself as 'fun'.
if you tried to get to know me, you'll see.
that i am more of uh,
the girl that is wort giving up on fun. yihee
---
all i want to say is - after all these talks, i still like your soul.
and the body that comes with it. =)
8.08.2011
here's to proving a point (pt. 2)
(*disclaimer: again this entry will sound like i'm being self-righteous, but like everyone else, I am a work-in-progress. and i decide to live my life in this weird little way.)
---o0o---
"Never cease to do the things that will make you realize who you really are and what you think about things. Your life is a continuous process of knowing the self and making yourself more useful to the world. And when you find the perfect path for your life - the one that fits with all your thoughts and and lifestyle and convictions - LIVE IT. And fight for it. Keep silent with your chosen path in life and make others notice it with your actions and your impact on them."
---o0o---
"Compassion is often referred to as the quivering of the heart in response to suffering. Compassion, in its truest sense, genuinely hurts. When we see someone suffering, compassion is our natural response. But in the era where everyone is self-absorbed and always wanted their opinions to be heard, compassion is slowly disappearing on us."
---o0o---
"In the coming years, I may not be able to be with people, with friends who got used to me being 'always there' for them. So before I leave and start pursuing my other 'calling', I want every part of me to be used up fully. I want to leave my thoughts / knowledge to everyone who liked what I talk about. I want them to remember my eyes that cried with them on their struggle. My lips that smiled with them in their times of triumph. My shoulders they have leaned on when they had problems. My ears that patiently listened to their rants. I want them to remember my arms that hugged them when they're feeling lonely. My hands that held theirs just because. My legs that walked with them to places. And my heart - I want to leave a part of my heart to every person that crossed my path. I want to leave them knowing that I have sincerely loved them with everything I got and without asking in return."
---o0o---
How many people can sincerely say that they are happy on their own? Yeah, I know. Happy to be part of the statistics. Vive la singleton" =)
why we learn the hard way
who can understand love, anyway? all of us are clueless when the real thing comes in. we let ourselves be taken away by it -- literally and figureatively speaking.
we let ourselves get to the point where it hurts too much the only way to come out of it alive is to let go. we just don't give up n love that easy. we use up all of our remaining resources, strength, time and evergy up until that last speck of it.
we always try to figure out something, even make up lousy ideals just for us to hold on to that feeling, to the person.
it's wrong. but everyone does it -- and these days it kind of turns out to be a normal thing to do already. people are freaks, they inflict pain and when it stings, we just don't stop until it's almost going to kill us.
we listen to soppy stories our friends tell us, thinking that will never happen to us for we know what to do when it happens. but do we ever learn, really?
stop the illusion that we could only be happy if we're with the person we love. happiness comes from within, from everywhere. it's not just from one person.
love yourself. find your self-worth, the one that is based on your basic existence as a person. God did not create us just to meet someone, fall in love then get married. find your sense of meaning and purpose in life. and when you achieve this one, trust me - you'll get your balance. your inner peace. you can easily let go. you can easily be happy. you can easily love again.
--o0o--
famous last words:
dear muse
"I fell in love with you because of a hundred things you never knew you were doing."
"...and I want you to realize that I am the reason why it never worked out with anyone else."
"...and I could think of a hundred more reasons as to why I am in love with you. I could even turn it into a book. Oh, wait, I already did -- it's the blog."
calm to the core (*poem taken somewhereelse)
she's banged up,
mentally and emotionally.
literally and metamorphically.
but every day she walks outside
with a smile on her face
because that's who she is.
---
the tree, the leaf and the wind (pt. 2)
dear tree,
as it turns out, the wind was just a light breeze. it wasn't strong enough to blow me away.
but it's not the wind that's going to take me away, it's TIME. one of these days i'll just.. fall off. it's how nature works.
until then.. i'm still holding on.
love,
leaf-o0o-
famous last words:
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