3.29.2016
never in a million miles, years or men
Been having the same troubles with my partner for a long time now. The last time he did it again (no, he was not cheating) - I was so fuming mad, but I slept it all off.
But then again, my subconscious was so worked up I dreamt a very bad dream - that I was cheating (no sex involved, but just me seeing another guy who is also taken). I felt sick waking up.
I went up and saw my boyfriend on the side of the beach. I just sat beside him and stayed quiet.
I so wanted to tell him, but it was just a dream.
(What worries me then, you now ask.)
What worries me is that I had thought of it (even just in a dream).
Meaning.. I think I can do it, if I ever wanted it.
But to reassure anyone, it is not in my wildest dream to make that kind of mistake.
It might also mean that I only have thought of that as a resort to our recurring problem. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't. But I don't want to ever try or know.
I just had to share.
-xxp
3.08.2016
I'm back to writing / the effects of overthinking
My, oh my! It's been ages!
And the only reason I ever came back here is to take my mind off of something, like what I previously do before.
Update: same old me, realizing that I'm already halfway on my lifetime. Amazing how time flies.
Is it still worth turning 180 degrees? I'm not too sure. I know I will still be happy staying how I was five years ago, though. As to that question where I will be happier - I know I will be at both ends, so no answer to that one. This other end is surprisingly great, though :D
Update: the effects of being a research analyst does wonders! You have no idea how deep I can dig, and how far my forecast can go ;)
Side effects: can make you go insane. I like what it does, but I don't like that someone sees when something's up. I just give my forever safe answer "it's nothing". Same old me, keeping secrets from everybody.
Update: The monsters are still around? DEFINITELY.
---o0o---
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