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Dr. Barton's Top 10 "Be's" of a Successful Relationship

Being your best is not very complicated.

Published on June 23, 2011 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness

Couples in successful relationships have some things in common. Much of the time it's not about what they do or don't do, it's about who they are as people and how they behave with each other. Here are some of the many ways the happiest of couples interact with each other.

1.     Be best friends. Tom Hanks and Steven Speilberg both say that they are best friends with their wives. People who don't think that having a best friend as a partner is romantic are usually single and bitter. Having a best friend in your heart and bed is the best part of a loving relationship.

2.     Be able to laugh at yourselves. Having a sense of humor about your life and your relationship is one of the keys to thriving. Life throws us many curves and without the ability to see and appreciate the irony, you could end up hating the world and each other.

3.     Be open to new ideas and experiences. If your partner only wanted to do the things you like to do, life would soon become dull and uninteresting. Having a partner who exposes you to different perspectives and dreams will make your world and soul fulfilled.

4.     Be willing to be willing. When change or compromise is called for you don't have to accept it immediately. Just being willing to look at things from another perspective can often be enough to help you resolve most differences that occur in an emotionally fit relationship.

5.     Be kind. Kindness and courtesy are perhaps the most undervalued and under used human virtues. Courtesy, communication and kindness can turn conflict into consensus, and controversy into cooperation with a single act of kindness.

6.     Be able to give all of your attention. Giving your partner 100% of your attention when they want to talk to you is one of the most bonding and powerful things you can do. Couples who engage in this all too rare ritual have a deeper and more loving relationship.

7.     Be demonstrative. Couples who touch and hold each other often have fewer arguments, enjoy life more, and stay healthier. Touching is one of the deepest forms of communication.

8.     Be trustworthy. To be trusted one must behave in trustworthy ways. Never give your partner any reason to doubt your loyalty or devotion. Whenever you are away from each other check in regularly to let them know you're okay.

9.     Be available. If your partner has a problem, be the one they call first. Commitment means that you can count on your partner to be there for you when you need them.

10.  Be proactive. Don't wait for things to go wrong before you make an effort to work on your relationship. Couples who take a relationship inventory and see what they have as well as what it is they might need in the future, are much better prepared for difficulty and have longer lasting, more successful relationships.

Being the best you can be for your partner and for yourself is one of the most rewarding parts of coupledom. It's not very complicated, just remember to put your best self forward and behave the way you would like your partner to behave. That makes it safe for both of you to come from the heart - that is how great relationships are made.

Broken Rope (Christine Bongon)

I.

I said i love you but you never replied

I said  i miss you but you just smiled

Every night my heart and eyes painfully cry

But not even a single day you asked me how am i

II.

Every morning i wake up i know you're never there

but here i am hoping that ill still meet you somewhere

My heart often ask  me why do i still stay

stay loving a man who keeps me astray

III.

Many times i tried to run and hide

but just a word from you make me swallow all my pride

Even though i know its all again just empty promises

that will again drag me to the room of emptiness

IV.

Its crystal clear that every hug,kiss and word from you are fake

And its so painful that its the best thing you can make

For i have no room in your heart

Because you never open it from the start

V.

Now i will not anymore beg for that little love

Little love that i know something ill never have

But i just have one wish can you never again give me false hope?

so that i can now finally  let go the rope.

PVD for GP

it's the little things that count.




i am celebrating my first year as a Greenpeace supporter.
so.. i don't know much about climate change but I know
i had to do something.




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it's just the little things, but it matters still.


from the conservation of water and electricity to the proper
disposal of garbage.
you'd do mother nature a big help already.




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if you can do more, go right ahead and do it.
like signing up with Greenpeace! =)
your 500 a month goes a long way.
instead of buying it for coffee, better help out GP volunteers
who could do more, achieve more with the little money you donate.
since I do not have the time to personally help, 
donating is the least I could do.




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This is for a greener Philippines.
Make this world a better place.

shake yer tree

do you remember your most beautiful dream?  i do.  i was eleven then.  and i could still remember every detail of it until now.


and last night, something weird happen.  i saw that dream in the film "Tree of Life".  not the exact location but the scene was exactly the same.  it's scary but at the same time beautiful.


the movie is dragging for those who gets easily bored.  but it was a great film for me.  it made me feel sad and scared and clueless.  well, most of the time clueless for its many weird scenes.  i felt like what i understood of the film was not as intricate nor as deep as the others.  you know, payak na utak lang ang meron ako hahaa.  but i saw david lynch, wong kar wai and lav diaz in the film.. 


now i know why it won this year's best film in Cannes.


it was a big production for a film with an indie vibe (NOT an indie film, definitely).  i am not going to give my interpretations with this movie nor will i read a movie review prior with my watching because i want my interpretations to be my own, not from any other sources/influences.  that's the reason why i'm painfully quiet when watching films - i don't watch to get entertained, i watch to experience.  or to shake my tree.

..all the while i was dreaming of revelry.

mad skill number one.

I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention and especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this.

— Rachel Naomi Remen