meet my babies

Tigger the connard / Maxene the salope

where were you when it happened?

Was in the office and we followed all instructions religiously.  Nice that there were a lot of people / offices who participated as well, but it's almost one third of the total people around who did. Hope everyone keeps a calm mind during emergencies and that the drill helped them.

oneliner number 3

"Who's havin' it good now?"

oh snap =P

for the one who questioned ;) need I say more?

yes, #somuchfortreatingsomeonelikeaprincess 

(via berlin-artparasites)
“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
—Elizabeth Gilbert

50 shades of blue

June 20. Fete de la Musique.

werd

17 Years of Friendship

well, here we are again..

I guess it must be fate... :P

Okay, so I have recently checked the facebook account of my "first love", "the one that got away", "my forever scapegoat" - and whatever phrases I have used for him. Why? No reason. I just wanted to see. 

And as I have always seen it, he looked happy. Funny thing though is he reminds me so much of my older brother now - seeing he has much kids as my kuya has ;) I guess it's a good thing - I only see him as just another someone. Some random guy. 

Have I completely moved on? I don't know. Fifteen years I have allotted a space for him in my system. It says a lot about me, about what I was more than half of my life. I do not love him anymore; that's for sure - but the memory of him still resides in some part of my system.  Unfortunately, you simply cannot erase that half of your life just because you are building a new one.

I guess I sort of miss that feeling of longing for something that was never meant to be. ^_^

posting for documentation purposes only

09 June 2015.
Researching is finally done - confirmation found just right now. Happy for everything. Victory is sweet.
Details cannot be said (of course).
I just need this moment to post right this very moment. I need this.
BTW - photo has no relation to what I am talking about. I am just showing off my baby :D 

fundayfriday

Dear Woman

because women ;)

damn melancholia

the thing is, it's so dragging to hear about your friends' melancholia.

the thing is, you have to keep checking them out.

the thing is, I don't have the time to listen and weep with them anymore.

the thing is, I don't feel like a good friend knowing this about me now.

the thing is, I can't keep myself on positive aura

when everyone around you gives you the negative vibe.


---
can't help you now, kid. I am as fucked up as you are now.

hey you! ^_^

this post was not intended for anyone but if this shoe fits - feel free to wear it ;)

someone answer me, please. i need it for a research - from dr. love

Turn it Well (Up Dharma Down)

Downtown I found myself calling in my very own 
Whitewashed breathing space
Diallin’ the telephone, night time morning sun 
Out of place in our home

Sooner or later maybe we can suit up 
People on a table, flipping on the pages
Just a little bit ahead of us, cover all my windows

Downtown I found myself calling in my very own 
Whitewashed breathing space
Diallin’ the telephone, night time morning sun 
Out of place in our home

Sooner or later maybe we can suit up 
People on a table, flipping on the pages
Just a little bit ahead of us, cover all my windows

Do you need to take my youth to 
get the know-how to turn it well

Fortdays, fortnights all we have every little often so 
Take my hand to help you learn to turn it well 
Baby, maybe we can really turn it well

Take them frames off, turn your head 
say it when my left ear needs it, no girl can resist it 
don’t you hesitate, Sea Eyes, baby you can turn it well

Do you need to change my youth to 
Get the know-how to turn it well

Maybe we can suit up and leave the photos home 
And I’ll walk you through the woods, crossing fingers

yaassss.

oneliner number 2

"Magkaiba ang madaling tandaan sa mahirap kalimutan."

wise words from a wise man

love in the time of my late 20s. guess people really do tame down

what men do not understand :|

I have asked a few men about this and I find their answers vague. It seems like it's really hard for them to reciprocate to what women can give.  Is it because they're selfish? They wanted more?

*Sigh.

I do not really know.  It seemed like it's hard for them to do this when for women, it's just basic.  I asked this straight already but unfortunately men (not all) could not really give as much as women would want to receive.  

the tree, the leaf and the wind

*reposting this for my friend who reminded me of this story.




A story of love in three perspectives...you could be the tree, the leaf or the wind. A good read...

---o0o---

TREE

People call me "Tree".

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl who I love a lot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, or good figure, nor an outstanding charm. She was just an ordinary girl.

I liked her. I really liked her.

I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was because I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together, all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her. I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately and I didn't have to give up everything just for her.

The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years.

She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years. She was a good actress and me a demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I didn't want to know what caused her to cry.

Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something and watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character, she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her and ignored her feelings then walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing and joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she didn't know deep down inside I was hurt too.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup.

Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together. I knew who the guy was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school.

I didn't show her my heartache, just smiles and best wishes. Once I reached home, I couldn't breathe. Tears rolled and I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who didn't acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I received a text message from her. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because the Tree didn't ask her to stay ..."

---o0o---

LEAF

People call me "Leaf".

During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learned a feeling I never should've learned - jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my happiness.

But after a month, he got together with another girl.

I liked him and I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? If he really loves me, why didn't he make the first move?

Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.

You can't expect from a girl like me to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me too. And because of this, I waited for him.

Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years. At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me.

He's like the cool and gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land.

Finally leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled and didn't ask the leaf to stay.

"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because the Tree didn't ask her to stay..."

---o0o---

WIND

People call me "Wind".

Because I like a girl called "Leaf". Because she's so dependent on the tree so I have to be a gust wind, a wind that will blow her away.

When I first met her, it was 1 month after I transfer to the new school.

I saw a petite person looking at my seniors and me playing soccer.

During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes.

Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left.

The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled, and accepts the note.

The day after, she appeared and passes me a note and left. "Leaf's heart is too heavy and the wind couldn't blow her away".

"It's not that leaf's heart is too heavy. It's simply because leaf never wants to leave the tree". I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accept my presents and phone calls.

I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day, I will make her like me.

Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.

Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I'm really decided for her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over.

I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will always try to change the topic, I still bear a small ray of hope deep within me, that she will agree to be my girlfriend. And so I asked her again.

I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?"

"I'm nodding my head", she said.

"Huh?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"I'm nodding my head", she replied loudly.

I hang up the phone, quickly changed, took a taxi and rushed to her place. My hands were trembling when I press the doorbell.

I hugged her tightly as she opened the door.

"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because the Tree didn't ask her to stay..."

oneliner number 1

"Ang hirap ng walang pinanghahawakan."

my immortal

*first written on 01.07.2012 / 6am

This is my second time to dream that I was dead.

The first one was a short one: I was a ghost, staying in Baguio, haunting down a guy from the past.

This time it was longer: it started out as me being already dead.  (apparently a ghost who can talk to my best friend and relatives. Hahaha what a cheater)

Family members were already discussing on how to tell everyone about my sudden death.  My best friend was there and she asked my first love and the current one to go to a certain place where they all gathered so she could say it personally.  My best friend and I talked about feelings not being expressed; feelings that because of pride and circumstances were decided to be repressed.

The place wasn’t my wake, I didn’t get to see myself in a coffin, all I know is they were talking about the life I had. If I ever really had one =)

I saw how my best friend break the news to my first love.  Obviously I was just staring at him.  Looking at the past and seeing how concerned he was made me feel at ease; it felt like at least, just for once; he sincerely cared.

And then my sister was the one who told my current love (in the dream I was in love with someone new) about my passing.  She said it beautifully and the guy broke down.  Just right after I did.

After that I was just roaming around places.  I had no regrets.  I was having fun. 

But you see, death is nothing really like that. 

Death – there’s nothing to it.  Don’t get so curious about it.

And by the way, yeah, the dreams are telling me that the end is really near ;) 

So I’ll say it again like I always do – I love everyone,  although not in the same way; some more than the other one. ;)

Go on and live. laugh. love. because really, what does pain and anger do to people? <3

---o0o---

famous last words:

sweetest gift

not posting this for religious reasons - but this one is just so sweet to not share.  Ms. Rio Locsin, the mother of the man Lougee is going to marry, passed away years ago.  Comments on this post from the guy's family members are all saying Ms. Rio would have loved Lougee. Ms. Rio Cojuangco was one of my favorite renaissance woman.  I also wish I'd met her. She is one great soul. Congratulations, Lougee and Ali. =)

"Look, ma, I'm on a vid!"

"Look ma, I'm on print!"

visit the link:  http://www.spot.ph/shopping/58603/beer-lovers-unite-wear-your-favorite-drink-with-pride

self-lovin'

fireworks!

get it right

Happy Anniversary

“You don't need another human being to make your life complete, but let's be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world.” 

~ Emery Allen

---o0o---

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been writing to you the past few months; only on few times when I had to put something in a card. =D

It's because I don't want to look too clingy and overexpressing.  Although we both know I could only express everything with written words.

And now I am writing a day before our second anniversary.

---o0o---

Time flies so fast, no?

We have been through A LOT.  Cried a lot, laughed a lot,  hugged a lot, loved a lot.And I'm glad we are still going stronger as days, months, and years go by.

As I may have told you before,  I was just aiming at becoming your longest Pinay girlfriend at eight or nine months.  After that I aimed as the longest gf you had so far at 2 1/2 years. As I'm nearing my target, I do not know what else to pursue anymore :P

Kidding aside, I just wanted to say thank you for all the efforts of proving me that you are here to stay - even if I had been trying to push you away.

Thank you for all the laughs specially in times when I needed it the most.

Thank you for being strong when I am at my most vulnerable.

And thank you for also being vulnerable for it only shows how comfortable you are with me, and that you are not afraid of showing that side to me.

Thank you for understanding my moodswings. Don't worry, I'll always keep it in control. I will never prolong your agony :P

Thank you for your amazing dishes, for your caring cuddle when I am sick.  

Thank you for taking care of me.

Thank you for giving me the sweetest Valentine and Birthday celebration I've ever had.

Thank you for pushing yourself so hard to be my first boyfriend. 

---o0o---

In the end, it's what we have chosen and what we have been fighting for that matters.  

I love you and I'm here for you. No matter what.

---o0o---

Here's to 2015 and beyond! ^_^