the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

'cos it's a jungle out there.

two days ago, i dreamed that my friend/officemate got pregnant and the dad's wincy, my crush.  at first i was like, alright, this is not her first time... but after a while i got paranoid with this thought: when did it happen? you guys are never even close! 

then i woke up realizing if i don't stop now i might get myself in trouble.  good thing i'm great in controlling my emotions -  it will die its natural death now that mc is coming back to haunt me.  

hmn.  the perks of  having this one great love - you never seem to fall for someone ever again.

--

famous last words:

"if you don't fall in love, ya never get hurt. and if ever you get lonely--you just go to the record store, and visit your friends."  (-Almost Famous)

case of a bad insomnia (part deux)

i know this is not love.

because i know when it's love.

it is love

when you throw away all your wisdom

conviction

religion 

and logic

for a sake of a life that blends well

with the other person.

it's when you're happy

just by seeing him happy.

it's when you spend every available

time of yours

thinking of ways to please him.

love is crazy

love is mad

i know this is not love--

i just want him so bad.

there is art in solitude.

you don’t believe me? read. =)


-
“When I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer - say, traveling in a carriage or walking after a good meal or during the night when I cannot sleep - it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly.”  (-Mozart)


-
“The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude.  Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind.  Be alone - that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”  (-Nikola Tesla)


-
“Without great solitude no serious work is possible.”  (-Pablo Picasso)


-
“Solitude gives birth to the original in us, to beauty unfamiliar and perilous - to poetry.” (-Thomas Mann)


-
“In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude.  One must overcome the fear of being alone.” (-Rollo May)





*these quotes were taken from a blog as well, forgot the site.

i'm all shook up

i will start this by quoting Ms. Cathy Babao-Guballa:
“Writing is my lifeline but my women friends are my lifesavers.”


-
i may have wanted a man, liked a man, but i have always needed friends.  people who shares the same brand of humor with mine.  people who doesn’t put up with my crap - who tells my shitty side.  in return i help them out in any way i can, from cheering them up to sharing their pain.
one of the blessings i am grateful for are my friends: the old, the new, and the best.  they keep me sane. seriously.  there are some things that we go through that we needed friends around. to shake us up.
you gotta have friends with your same age, older  and younger than you.  friends your age know you most. you share the same wavelength.  younger friends keep you childlike.  older friends give you more wisdom.




-
famous last words:
“be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”  (-Rumi)

case of a bad insomnia

“and the day came
when the risk it took
to remain tightly closed in the bud
was more painful than the risk
it took to bloom.
this is the element of freedom.”
(-alicia keys)


—


(i still have written several paragraphs/poems about someone but people might think i am in love so i decided it’s not for public consumption.
he keeps me up all night, every night. baaaaad.  i seriously need my meds!)


–


famous last words:
“yeah, we do fit like popcorn and a good movie.”

this is why i was a weirdo, a loner and different.

(from the book of Isaiah)
“the eagle flies above the other birds and it soars.  sometimes, the eagle flies alone.  on the other hand, the chickens are content to walk along the ground and scratch with the other chickens.”


–
and i am also moving towards something different from the others–
it doesn’t mean what i am doing is wrong.
the renegades usually go against the flow.
these are all i need to get by: faith, humility, forgiveness, tolerance and love.


–
i hope people around me understands that my image and my lifestyle are ENTIRELY 2 DIFFERENT THINGS.
–


*i know this entry sounded so pa-righteous. you know i don’t intend to, i am just sharing what’s on my mind.
good vibes / one love
–




famous last words:
“you no longer need to be involved in anything to be content with yourself.  you know there is nothing wrong with you.  you are a free spirit.”
(-Mike George)

she and her wandering soul

Off to a path
Where no one ever dared to
Unless you are brave enough
to tame her
& her wandering soul
She is willing to give it her all
She is willing to go back
to the world
and to you.




–
(oui, c’est pour vous.)

werd.

these sleepless eyes see only you.  this loud mouth only talk about you.  this head just don’t stop thinking about you.  this worn out heart only beats for you.  these legs want to run to you.  these arms only want to embrace you.  this lips want to kiss you–in every moment possible.

–

but how will you ever know —

when  those deep-setted eyes of yours keep on looking on to something else.  when that head of yours is focused on a different direction.  when that heart of yours is not yet ready to open up and let go.  when those feet of yours keep on running away from me.  when those arms of yours keep reaching out..but not to me.  when that tight-lips are not saying anything. =(

(-Body Language)

for you...

Masyado mong dinibdib
Ang pagkakawalay sa dagat
Lumobo ang buo mong katawan.
Ayan tuloy, hindi ka maibenta.
Hindi makain: may lason
ka raw kasing naghahanap ng karamay.
Naaapakan, gumugulong-gulong
ka ngayon sa dalampasigan
Naliligo sa bagang buhangin.
(Khavn dela Cruz, from his book “Lines on the SOle”)
—o0o—


...there's nothing I wouldn't do.

the ugly truth

here’s a compilation of lines i have heard and read that relate to the title.  i haven’t seen the movie yet, i just like the title

• “Ladies, you need to understand something about men.  Men are strongly attracted or turned on sexually by what we see with our eyes.  Every man is like this - it is simply the way we are ‘wired’.” (Kevin Sanders)
• [if you ever love again], you will never again feel exactly what you feel fro him so stop trying.  Here’s why: it sounds like you got emotionally involved with him when you were still very young - probably too young.  And when we are young and immature, we are specially vulnerable to letting over emotions get the best of us.  The only way to feel all of this again would be to get in a time machine and go back to grade school.” (you have a point, kuya.)
• “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
• But, despite the truth that I know / I find it hard to let you go and give up on you / Sees I love the things you do / Like the meaner you treat me the more eager I am / To persist with this heartbreak and running around..” (Adele)
• “If you love somebody, let him go.  If he comes back, he is yours.  If not, he never was.”
• “Bubbles contain nothing but air.” (*translation? wag na, baka mabuking ako hahaha)
• “Rule #23: Perish all thought that someday, you’ll be number 1.” (Etiquette for Mistresses, Julie Yap-Daza)
• “As a rule, men are liars.  They were born to be…and oh, how we love them for it.  We believe them and deceive ourselves, and call it love.” (Julie Yap-Daza)

this photo spoke a thousand words (or pushed a lot of buttons hahahaha)

when dr. love is lovesick

a rough week. love problems — others and mine — occupied my entire week. i was so busy attending to others’ heart problems i didn’t get to sort out mine. so i tried to go out and let sh*t out for a day. didn’t work. now, i just did this weird/new idea: seek out the guidance of a pastor.
IT WORKED.
things are clear to me now. but it doesn’t mean i’m fine.
i will repost some of his insights from his website (related or not related to me, it doesn’t matter. i think this applies to everyone.)




—
INFTUATION causes us to have unrealistic beliefs regarding relationships. i remember believing my life would be perfect only if she was in love with me. infatuation causes us to think this way.

LOVE, on the other hand, is based on truth and reality. we love someone based on a ganuine understanding of who he/she really is. we see the good and the bad, and we love anyway. our affection grows as the friendship grows.




—
famous last words:
“can two people walk together
without agreeing on the direction?”
(Amos 3:3)

i'm still running from the fire.

ganon yon.
kapag naranasan mo nang masunog, hindi mo na hahayaan ang sarili mo na mapaso.


(ithankyoubow.)




—o0o—


famous last words:
“hoy pach wala ka bang balak magparami ng lahi? isa ka nang dying specie.”

the "relief goods" look

ito ang pinakahihintay ko, ang makakita ng hardcore authentic 80s clothing galing sa nagsipag maglinis ng kanilang mga closet!! laughtrip
shoulder pads kung shoulder pads!
syempre pati hairstyle dapat 80s. tiger look! rawr!

ganitong ganito ang sinusuot ng kapitbahay naming bading pag pupunta sila sa faces o equinox

 terno kung terno! ganito damit ng nanay natin pag papasok sila ng work.






san ka pa? i-primary na to! hahahahaha

5 Reasons Why Nerds Are Hot

(source: Philippine Daily Inquirer)


–


Our kind has often been boxed in out supposed spaces–the library, the science lab, the arthouse movie theater, the sci-fi convention, the front-row seat in the classroom. but since the 21st century, we’ve taken over… in an attempt to forever alter the course of human history - or at least just make you think about it and smile - i will marshal 5 reasons why nerds are the hottest, most striking thing since the sun - or megan fox.




NERDS ARE PERPETUALLY INTERESTING. nerds are always interesting because of the way they focus on their interests. if it’s you they’re talking to, then it’s just you for the next 2 minutes or 3 hours. and to receive that kind of attention is not only flattering; it’s also charming, intruiging and sexy in an old-school, cary grant kind of way.




NERDS HAVE A QUIRKY BRAND OF HUMOR. they have an odd sense of humor, the kind that makes you laugh and lets you in on something new. nerds have this sense of humor that combine their interests, a dry wit, and a keen sense of what’s going on around them.




NERDS ARE OPEN-MINDED, ETERNAL OPTIMISTS. they aren’t afraid to try new things. nerds love learning more about the world around and acquiring new experiences, so it’s no surprise you’ll have a lot of fun hanging out with them. who doesn’t want a fun date?




NERDS ARE MATURE - EMOTIONALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY - AND THEY’RE SENSITIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS. it’s a given that nerds are mature intellectually. they’re also mature emotionally, and they’re in tune with other people’s feelings, probably because they’ve had their share of not-so-nice experiences from other people. they are some of the kindest, warmest, most gracious human beings on planet.




NERDS ARE CONFIDENT ABOUT WHAT THEY COULD AND WHAT TO DO. nerds actually have this brand of certainty and confidence that’s always beneath the surface - silent.

How Ondoy Rocked my World

DAY 01 Saturday

i woke up around 10 am because my mother was putting her things up on the cabinet.  we knew that we’d get flooded, but not to that extent.  i texted my cousin that i wouldn’t get to meet her that afternoon.  when the flood came inside the house, i even took a video of it, while i was holding my 3-year old nephew.  we were 5 in the house at that time - mosha, fasha, marlowe, moi and brix.

in a span of 30 minutes the flood was already hip-high so we decided to go out and save ourselves. only to find out we couldn’t get out of the house.  the water inside and outside the house was forcing the door to get stucked.  i screamed my lung out for help, and i gave brix to my mother.  i did not stop screaming until i saw 3 men went inside the gate and kicked the main door really hard.  my mother immediately went out with brix and went with the man who lived at the front of our house.  their house had second floor.  marlowe and i went back inside to get our bags and documents.  then i remembered our celfone a little late cos it already fell.  my instant reaction was to save it, at least my sim-so i sank myself down the flood to look for the celfone. found it. and hear hadji, our neighbor say “oh”. he was shocked i think. i wasn’t. it was reflex.

so marlowe, hadji and i went up our roof using our wooden stairs.  my father was the last to come up.  then we checked the other our mother and brix on the other house.  at that time we were all soaking wet.
around 2 pm, our neighbors who had 2nd floor were contacting their relatives. i texted my sister using their cp and told her not to come home and to call 117.  i went back to the roof of our house and drank the rain.  out of curiosity, i wanted to know if i’d get my thirst relieved from the rain.  and it did.
this is the shocking part — from our roof we could see people coming from the right side.  i only looked once, and it didn’t leave my mind since then.  nakaupo sa roof na inaanod sa ilog yung nanay at yung mga anak nya.
around 4pm our neighbor next door and us decided to go up on the roof of their 2nd floor because flood’s coming in their 2nd floor as well..  i did not know exactly how many of us were there but i know we had a pregnant girl with us, a cat and 5 dogs.  we were at least with eight kids.  3 families were there on the roof from that time until 6 am in the morning.  we only had rice, sugar and salt as food. now we know what it’s like to make “dildil the asin”. yeah like so grabehhh.. kidding. it tasted so good.. not kidding.

no one at that time can make sudden movements because the roof wasn’t that strong.  so we just sat /  laid there, feeling almost frozen all night. i was chilling i think every five minutes until my head and jaws hurt so bad from too much “panginginig”.  and i was lying down with 2 dogs beside me, only to find out they were galisin.  hahahahaha.

i think the flood started to subside at around 4am.  my brother and father went down around 5 am.  at that time my eldest brother came–he walked from cubao to our house.  all night.
i only came down to go look for food.  and as expected, looking for food is a dilemma.  from day 2 onwards.




DAY 02 Sunday


i only went to jocson (outside our so-called subdivision) but got no food.  i only got to buy softdrinks which were the only ones available.  when i went back to the house my 2 brothers and fasha were taking out the mud from inside the house.  the mud’s ankle high inside, and it’s almost knee-high outside.
at that time i also saw my mother and my nephew.  i told them i couldn’t get food so i asked marlowe to come with me to bayan (marikina market).  we walked at the side of the river.
there were more than ten cars parked - no, not parked - slammed - that we saw along the way.  imagine our clothes got dried from the sun with mud almost all over our clothes.  i even smelled like an askal from hugging that puppy almost all night.  naawa kasi ako, no one wanted to hold him.
so we went to bayan and saw the whole establishment was closed. they got flooded as well. we walked some more til we got to blue wave and still it was closed.  the mall got flooded as well.  we had no choice but to go to sta. lucia with our get up (fabulous!).  we sat for a while because my knees were shaking.  we were so tired but we couldn’t rest for a long time.
we rode a jeepney to sta. lucia, and it was also closed.  but we found an open carinderia.
we ate there before we got home with the food.  pahirap din ang pag-uwi, there were no jeepneys. we got lucky a truck passed by so we rode at the back.. it brought us back to blue wave.  we walked back home.  okay, this is how far blue wave is from our house — from makati med to kalayaan (maybe farther).

oh, i forgot, on our way home we saw my sister with 2 of my aunts, my sister-in-law and my cousin.  they brought food and clothing and pillows.  my ate kept on reminding me now na awang-awa sya nun una nya kaming makita 2.

my relatives went home around 5pm.  my kuya, his wife and brix (their kid) went ahead as well.
this is what happened before it got dark: i looked for clean clothes to use after we’d take a bath.  and i cleanded our wooden sofa (4-seater) and marlowe’s wooden bed (as big as the folding bed). we used it to rest. the sofa was for us 3 (we slept sitting down), while the folding bed was for my parents.


DAY 03 Monday

  



























cleaned the house.  mahirap pa ring maghanap ng ready food. 


*this was the usual happening from day 3 onwards: we all wake up around 6 am.  my mother would ask our neighbor to boil us clean water for coffee (charged 20 as well as when we’d cook rice).  after breakfast 2 of us would look for food while the remaining 3 will clean the house, check out things worth cleaning/saving, and fetch water (until now we still have no electricity and running water).  we eat lunch around 2 pm.  by the way, tuwing hapon nakikita naming umuusok kamay namin, i wonder why.  we stop working at 6 to fetch water for bath. then dinner.  listen to radio (my ate had a portable radio for her AM updates) then we sleep at around 10 pm.


DAY 04 Tuesday


a private van brought food.  finally help got to our street.




DAY 05 Wednesday onwards

cleaned the house.  la salle volunteers got near our area.  they brought food as well..
—o0o—
famous last words:
“kanya-kanya tayong injury sa paa.”

no person is un-googleable =)

“Future’s made of virtual insanity…” (-Jamiroquai)


—
showing your different sides in every social networking site is FUN.




—
FRIENDSTER (The Pioneer!)
this started it all, so i guess this is the persona / the side closest to our personality. since this is the so-called pioneer, this is where friends mostly correspond with each other. my favorite friendster features are the bulletin and (of course) the blog.




MULTIPLY
next to friendster. where camwhores unite. where we store gazillions of photos and mp3s. if you have a multiply account, this could also be your more personal side because this tends to be an online scrapbook.
(*i WAS one of these so it all goes out to us) camera was invented for this creative purpose - and it’s not to take a hundred pictures of yourself in the same place at the same f***ing position. and then have the “kasipagan” to upload ALL of it. i know you read this faty, this goes out to you most of all. but your cranky insan loves you the same. hehehe)
my fave multiply features are the online buddies’ (mostly negosyante) updates, and the music sharing. by the way, for me, multiply’s got the best profile layout.




MYSPACE (my favorite)
for the music lover in us. my fave features are–everything! we get to be introduced with old and new, mainstream and underground (music) scene.




FACEBOOK (where i’m currently at)
i think that facebook is not as “personal” as friendster, but FB’s better because it caters to my self-obsession! you could seewho’s self-obsessed as well. how very cool and geeky and nerdy and selfish site fb is.
great “search engine” for events that you would want your friends to go to / see as well. with facebook, you get to express your playful side. my fave features are the FB events and wallposts/updates of my visual artist “friends”.




TWITTER(tweet-tweet!)
known as the micro-blogging site, i should’ve been enjoying this site because i do blog. but i am not. all it does is “follow” and “update” which you could also do in facebook (wallpost). it will get fun if you follow cool people and if you have a lot of followers. actually, twitter’s fine, it’s just not my thing (i do have an account that i rarely update).


http://twitter.com/pach_almighty


in twitter i guess you could express your “instant reactions” or “reflexes” to anything in that exact time. exactly not my thing because i think before i could actually express it.
twitter’s great for stalking! good side of twitter…





—o0o—
famous last words:
“I’m an analog girl in this digital world.”

if you could read this

(i know in my gut you’ve seen this blog. keep on reading, luv.)
–
she and i , we talked about you. she left you a message to which you did not respond. you opened her profile and i am guessing you’ve seen mine–which leads you here. ta-daah!!
(i am just assuming but the probability is high)
enjoying my blogposts? you see how i create different kinds of fiction out of you? it drained the sh*t out of me but it was fun.
–
i don’t exactly know what happened before (i was blocking out thoughts that did not involve me and you, that’s my excuse).
but for what it’s worth — I AM SORRY. mostly because i was never good enough for you. and that i loved too much. i am so sorry.
–
i could see now that you are happy. good for you. and if ever i write about you again (pretty sure i will), please ignore my vents. all of these wasn’t written out of bitterness; it’s just that you have been my muse for the longest time.
goodluck on your career.
goodbye and take care, my forever scapegoat.
—o0o—
famous last words:
“denial.anger.bargaining.depression.acceptance. congratulations, pach. you’ve made it through. you can now leave the program.”
—
*this entry goes out to tinay. i know you read this. peborit mong kulay pa, o. hahaha. kiss nellica for me.
i hope you liked my pangtitrip sa past ko hahaha. finally i could play words around him na =)

passion is my fashion: FRIENDS

i do not have a lot of it. i only have a handful. but when i consider you a friend, i always make sure you’d feel that. i am a protective friend/girlfriend. and when i don’t consider you a friend, i also make it a point that you know it. what a meanie family and friends are the two most prized treasures anyone could have. it’s so clear how much i miss my 5% friends. but i have met new friends, and they’re awesome. i am passionate in keeping my friends around, in pleasing them. i just hope they learned a thing or two from me.


although there was a time when i did hibernate and stayed away from them. i was with my bff the whole time, comforting each other out and bonding like we’ll never get that chance again. i love her so
and with friends, my exuberant side comes out. yes, i love solitude, but there are many moments in my life that is best shared with friends.
eto, sikreto lang, ha? hehe. after reading Erich Segal’s “The Class”, i became conscious of how am i as a friend.


—
famous last words:
“i have no talent for making new friends, but oh, such a genius for fidelity to old ones.”

passion is my fashion: WRITING.

it feels like it’s good for the soul. i only write when there are thoughts needed to be written down. but i usually i write when my muse is tickling my thoughts, or when i am raving mad. usually the latter.
and i wanted to win that “TOUCHING LIVES AWARD” i heard they were giving out every year. ahahaha kidding.


rereading my 2002 planner brings back all the emotions poured in it. it is my favorite year. right out of college and excited to the world unknown; the life ahead of me. i have also visited this planner cos i know i have written a lot of notes there. Woody Allen and I have something in common-we write down notes for it may be of use in the future. hahaha. feeling. i already have 10 journals and planners in the past 7 years. pamana sa….wala, ililibing akong kasama sila. i once planned on giving it to mc, since puro sya laman nun, but i realized, “what for? kahit magulat sya sa laman nun, baka makonsensya pa sya.” (feeling hahaha)


i write to remind myself of the things that needed to be prioritized, that’s why i have the planner. the journal’s for my collected thoughts


i love reading as much as i love writing, ut i put more time in writing. cos God knows when will i get flooded with those thoughts. while the books are just there, already printed out. books could wait. sometimes when those thoughts come pouring, i feel so excited. specially when i make up stories here in this blog. i like making my college buddies think if it’s real or not. fiction! fiction! fun fun fun
i seldom post my heart out here na, nakakadala yun previous posts, yun panahon ni mc. hahaaha. yuck.
i don’t think i am great at this (writing) but i just love it. i couldn’t stop.. even if it’s mentally draining.

passion is my fashion: MUSIC.

okay, i’ll get this out of my system: i used to hate lady gaga.  cos poker face is an incredibly catchy song that it lingers in your head for days.  i started liking her when i heard just dance and her synths.  she isn’t that bad pala.  i’m a sucker for for synthesizers, electronic beats and bass.  her fashion quirks are just an added bonus to her mad music style.  sometimes you just have to create a certain uniqueness to shine among the rest.  just like katy perry.  she’s so ordinary.  her voice isn’t something new.  but any girl who would sing “I kissed a girl and i liked it” - who wouldn’t gain popularity with that?  i only like katy cos she looked like zooey.







what else is new with pop? hmn. oh! how about those korean chicks who sang, “nobody, nobody but you”? it also became a LSS to me.  at first. then i got sick of hearing it.  but, you know, to each his own.  i got so much respect for music-in any genre that i don’t diss out on the genres that i don’t like very much.  well, at least i try not to bitchslap on it all the time.

this is the only thing that i don’t like anout the music industry: how pop/commercial music is done distastefully. . while getting so rich out of it.  nawawala yun “art” in songwriting/melody dahil sa ugaling “basta makagawa ng kanta, sisikat at kikita tayo dyan dahil si miley cyrus ang kakanta”. why is the world making that kid think she’s so cool?

i keep coming back to you.

been busy with work and events.
the past few days my head aches for people i find amusing for their selfishness. i remembered one time i posted here that i have met someone more self-absorbed than me? turns out we’re nothing compared to this chick. i absolutely do not hold that self-absorbed crown no more. i have a new one. cutthroat bitch. to honor House, m.d. CB. hmn. suits me well.
–
i need to watch/see a movie or series that could make me cry senseless. the last time i did that was when i watched The Secret Life of Bees. i cried for 2 good hours. it felt great. moviehouses are the best places to cry your heart out. pantanggal stress. the best movie to watch when you really want to cry is adolfo alix’s “Kadin”. alam mo yun parang sinaksak ka sa dibdib tas biglang nag burst out ang luha? ganon sya.
–
kamote. gotta stop bitchslapping na. it wastes my time and energy. i should not care but i do. i do want them to tone down their acts. it’ll do them good.
–
i’ll share this sentence i have heard somewhere and it said: “he’s ignoring you. get the hint.”
see, since mc, that has always been my “guy rule”.
*if he’s really interested, he would’ve done something about it.
it’s that simple for those guys!
tayo kasing mga babae may over-analyze mode pa tayong nalalaman, eh OO at HINDI lang naman sila. hmp.
so this guy i like… okay! i’ll rephrase: so this guy i have been working on (*wink wink*) he, uh, did not respond to any of the hints i have been throwing to his face. hence i get the message . hence i lose interest. hence i get back to this one guy i have had a crush on for like, forever — Ross. don’t get mad, laine. can’t help it, he’s bloody gorgeous. he is a trophy boyfriend for me. so what he’s a friggin camwhore? it don’t erase the fact that i liked him for 5 years now.
–
famous last words:
“don’t quote me!” — me

compiled notes need posting

*i’ve no time to rephrase my notes and turn it to one long entry. bara-bara na to. kelangan na ipost, nakakalat na eh hehe. here we go.




–
1. i loved my freedom and he loved his.  it’s not my call to end that freedom–it’s his.  but i gotta know what he’s thinking in the first place.  i’m ready when he is.


2. i wish i have money to go see nine inch nails! Trent’s music kind of sounded like Chris’ — dark and heavy.  only IAMX uses more synths.  NIN is industrial rock, IAMX is funk/electro.  but they both give out that dark/heavy vibe.


3. contacting my “5%” friends always make my day. they are the only ones who could tell this to me: you’re an idiot! ahahahaha.  their advises mean a lot to me, they know exactly what i want to hear. they know cos i’ve shared almost everything they need to know.


4. “Just because someone doesn’t love you in the way that you want them doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they’ve got.”  (from a text msg)


5. wtf. the kids these days - they create complications just to make their lives extraordinary.  they are like fishes in the aquarium i like studying at.  it pisses me off, but it’s also soooo hilarious i just laugh it all of and go see these kids “complicate” their lives more.  mababaw lang kaligayahan ko–manood ng kagaguhan sa mundo. (that was so hurtful but i just have to say it sorry).


6. guilt-stricken. this’ll last for days.  but this one thing is certain: i was sorry i said my opinion for it hurt someone, but i was never sorry for my convictions.


7. yay! october na release ng collabo album nila ely at kiko! yay!


8. there’s this article i have read that disturbed me so bad. please google “children of God cult”. sick. sick.


9. holy sh*t. you are so beautiful it hurts my eye.


10. first stanza: aba, ang ganda ng melody, saka mejo pasok sa banga.
chorus: puta.
(that was my reaction upon hearing this song. panama ko na naman kay mc)
“You Were Mine”  — Dixie Chicks  (better heard than read)
11. this is my all-time favorite bitchslap:


“prinsesa ka sa inyo? pwes gusto ko malaman mo–
ako ang reyna dito.”
take that.


12. steady lang ako. ayoko ng drama. sa kanila na lang yun. horror na lang, horror. hahahaha.




—o0o—
famous last words:
“it just won’t fly.”  -beng

the boyfriend potential survey

BOYFRIEND POTENTIAL SURVEY:

  1.dapat ba gwapo?
- in case ya didnt know, i like them native hahahahahaha

2. matalino?
- good conversationalist, yun nakaka stimulate…ng utak

3. preferred Age?
- natataon kasing younger than me eh. sorry naman!

4. preferred height?
- taller than moi

5. How about sense of humor?
- sense of humor ALL THE TIME!

6. How about piercings?
- yes, please hahaha maski tattoos

7. Accepts you for who you are?
- for who i am not na lang hahaha

8. Pink hair?
- kahit green!

9. mushy or no?
- pag tinawag ng pagkakataon hahaha

10. Thin or fat?
- lean and mean!! ay ano ba to

11. Moreno or chinito or mestizo?
- any but napapa second look ako sa moreno

12. Long hair or short hair?
- basta babagayan sya ng bonnet.

   magnanakaw kasi kami hahaha

  13. Plastic or metal?
- hindi ko nagets

14. Smells good?
- kadiri lang kung hindi

15. Smoker?
- smoker

16. Drinker?
- drinker. tas ako user. sakto lang hahaha

17. Boy-next-door type?
- uh, pano ba sasagutin to? hehehe

18. Musically inclined?
- YES! very much so.

19. Plays piano?
- sana. or any instrument.

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
- bass = sexy

21. Plays violin?
- wag na to haahhaha

22. Sings very good?
- ok lang basta alam ang lyrics hahaha

23. Vain?
- yoko kasi mag eextra effort ako.

24. With glasses?
- ok lang eh kung malabo mata e.

25. With braces?
- no

26. Shy type?
- NO

27. Rebel or good boy?
- ako magpaparebel sa kanya

28. Active or passive?
- active. san ba? hehehe

29. tight or bomb?
- magnet. you da man! you da magnet! hahaha

30. Singer or dancer?
- dancer

31. Suplado?
- tae. OO!! turns me on

32. Hiphop?
- ok lang bahala sya

33. Earrings?
- yes

35. Torpe?
- NO

36. Mr. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
- ewan. ewan.

37. Dimples?
- kahit wala

38. Bookworm?
- worm lang pwede na. hehehe. mejo lang.

  baka hindi na mamansin yun kakabasa

  39. Mr. love letter?
- lovenote o kaya lovetext

40. Makulit?
- yun hindi naman ako pipikunin

41. Flirt?
- yes

42. Poem writer?
- mahirap yan! ok lang kahit ano

43. Serious?
- pag kelangan maging serious

44. Campus crush?
- ha?! i-crash ko sya sa pader

45. Painter ..?
- hindi na

46. Religious?
- basta hindi atheist o scientologist ok ako

47. Alaskador?
- hahaha wag lang yun ikaiiyak ko

48. Computer games geek? Or internet freak
- wag lang sosobra, sakto lang. if he cant help it so be it

49. Speaks 20 languages?
- arte!

50. Loyal o faithful?
- wtf is their difference?

!

“I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. And it’s not because you are unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You’re the epitome of every attribute and quality that I’ve ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you’d even consider. But I had to say it, I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship-no pun intended-but I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this way before and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can’t hang out anymore than that hurts me. But I couldn’t allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face, is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I’ll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that-at least for ten seconds-and try to dwell in it. there isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who’s ever made me half the person I am when I’m with you and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it’s there between you and me, you can’t deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of who you are and what you’ve meant to me…” -Chasing Amy

what does it take?

“i’m sorry that i only see things in black and white.  i’m sorry that i am not as flashy and showy as most girls are. you knew from the start i’m not like them, anyway. 

i’m sorry that i’ve chosen you as my current muse; for you bring out all my rage and get to put them into writing. 

i’m sorry that you think i am not right for you (uh, maybe because the world tells you? idk. follow your intuition. follow me. you’d be happy here, i promise. :P)

i’m sorry that i am not good at this–i couldn’t bring myself to tell it to you straight.

but more than anything else — i’m sorry for myself — all my efforts of sending you my message didn’t quite reach you.” 

—

the past few days i was wasting myself so bad i detached myself off of the real world again. i could hardly keep up with what was going on around me. i want to focus my energy to gael but my environment makes me do the exact opposite. 

a week of heartbreaking news made me leave the world i’m trying to get in again.  reality would hurt more.  then i got the chance to talk with my “5%” friends, and they comforted me and made me laugh. i needed that so badly.  don’t get me wrong, i share an awful lot with all of my friends, it’s just that i only spill my guts to 5% of them.

heartbroken? me? NO.

i am not in love. i would like to think that i could, again, but right now? NO.

but thinking of him makes me happy. and hurt. simultaneously.

*itext lang nya ako ng “ako ba si gael?” and i would tell him.

—

famous last words:

“oh, no, i said too much…”

(R.E.M.)

gael.

“i appreciate it a lot that you cared. 

 i hope you’ll stay that way.

i don’t care anymore what you’re doing

really meant.  i won’t misinterpret. 

i never knew the rules of it,

and i guess i never will. 

i’ll just take it as it is.

thank you or making me feel i exist in your world,

and that i still need being taken care of.”

written on 14.02.2009

a few months ago, i got addicted to this new drug. 

it gave me new highs. 

it was fun.

but unfortunately, events led me to let the drugs go

and just stop. as soon as possible.

—

i am now in the process of flushing out the toxins. 

it will be time-consuming and painful.  as usual.

there’s that feeling of throwing up, the lightheadedness

and the chest pain.

and the sleepless nights.

and the waking up raving mad.

i have done this a lot of times — i should’ve been used to it

but i still am not.

—

how did i let this thing take over me again?

haven’t i had enough?

—o0o—

LETTING GO.

this process is the hardest part.

specially when the temptation stares at you right in the face.

please, please DO NOT BLAME ME for letting myself get hooked

on it.

“events” led me to get drunk, intoxicated, —————-.

i was a gullible gullible woman.

i got so overthrown by its beauty.

it’s effects on me was insane.  high high high.

i loved it.

and i’m sure i will miss that feeling of being high with it.

—

when i finally got the rationale that it won’t be good for me

in the coming weeks, i finally decided to stop my madness.

although i really didn’t want to , i just have to.

for my sanity.

i wish i can get through this less painful than the previous one.

—

funny thing though:

when i want to get out of an addiction, i replace it with

something that turns out to be yet another addiction.

but it’s effective. i got out of the first one.

*hay siguro naman well-covered ko ang tracks ko ngayon.

people will never know who this guy is. yehehes!!

ang galing kasing manghula ng iba  

—

kidding aside– this process is painful. really.

i just cant let it show again.

vulnerability is never my thing.

friends are used to be treating me like a shock absorber;

a fortress. i let them. it helps me think of anything else

and not worry about my future. hay.

btw–

HAPPY MOTHERF—–G VALENTINES EVERYONE.