written on 14.02.2009

a few months ago, i got addicted to this new drug. 

it gave me new highs. 

it was fun.

but unfortunately, events led me to let the drugs go

and just stop. as soon as possible.

—

i am now in the process of flushing out the toxins. 

it will be time-consuming and painful.  as usual.

there’s that feeling of throwing up, the lightheadedness

and the chest pain.

and the sleepless nights.

and the waking up raving mad.

i have done this a lot of times — i should’ve been used to it

but i still am not.

—

how did i let this thing take over me again?

haven’t i had enough?

—o0o—

LETTING GO.

this process is the hardest part.

specially when the temptation stares at you right in the face.

please, please DO NOT BLAME ME for letting myself get hooked

on it.

“events” led me to get drunk, intoxicated, —————-.

i was a gullible gullible woman.

i got so overthrown by its beauty.

it’s effects on me was insane.  high high high.

i loved it.

and i’m sure i will miss that feeling of being high with it.

—

when i finally got the rationale that it won’t be good for me

in the coming weeks, i finally decided to stop my madness.

although i really didn’t want to , i just have to.

for my sanity.

i wish i can get through this less painful than the previous one.

—

funny thing though:

when i want to get out of an addiction, i replace it with

something that turns out to be yet another addiction.

but it’s effective. i got out of the first one.

*hay siguro naman well-covered ko ang tracks ko ngayon.

people will never know who this guy is. yehehes!!

ang galing kasing manghula ng iba  

—

kidding aside– this process is painful. really.

i just cant let it show again.

vulnerability is never my thing.

friends are used to be treating me like a shock absorber;

a fortress. i let them. it helps me think of anything else

and not worry about my future. hay.

btw–

HAPPY MOTHERF—–G VALENTINES EVERYONE.