thursday maundy thursday

*posted from my blog on April 2006, this entry got the most comments.  read so  you'll know why =) 

enjoy my aning aning state before. haha

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remember last year when i apologized because i cannot put up a get together [because] i was in my aning aning state? did you ask yourself why?

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when you love someone, the love you have for yourself decreases, because you are willing to give up a lot of yourself to someone.  that’s what happened to me when i fell for him roughly 6 years ago (started maundy thursday od 2000).  and when i had to choose between bringing back the old myself-or him, i still chose mc.  why?  because i have already wasted 3 years of my pathetic life trying so hard to unlove him.  trust me, i tried every “moving on” ways everyone knows.  and then it finally hit me–i just can’t get him out of me.  wala lang siya sa puso at isip ko-nasa sistema ko na siya.  so there, i gave up a lot of what i was…and never really got it back.

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eto na, what’s worse is, everytime i start my story on everyone, they just looked away and shoved it to my face that they’re not interested like –that is so babaw, you never really, completely, officially had him naman, so why whine like that?  so i stop.   that started my aning aning.

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i know my lovelife (or the lack of it) is not as melodrama or amazing as other’s, but, fuck, i take this seriously.  he took up EIGHT years of my life.  he robbed me of all things, but above all else, it is very, very, very hard to go through all of this pain alone.

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when i was at my rock bottom–did you even notice it?