“i’m sorry that i only see things in black and white. i’m sorry that i am not as flashy and showy as most girls are. you knew from the start i’m not like them, anyway.
i’m sorry that i’ve chosen you as my current muse; for you bring out all my rage and get to put them into writing.
i’m sorry that you think i am not right for you (uh, maybe because the world tells you? idk. follow your intuition. follow me. you’d be happy here, i promise. :P)
i’m sorry that i am not good at this–i couldn’t bring myself to tell it to you straight.
but more than anything else — i’m sorry for myself — all my efforts of sending you my message didn’t quite reach you.”
—
the past few days i was wasting myself so bad i detached myself off of the real world again. i could hardly keep up with what was going on around me. i want to focus my energy to gael but my environment makes me do the exact opposite.
a week of heartbreaking news made me leave the world i’m trying to get in again. reality would hurt more. then i got the chance to talk with my “5%” friends, and they comforted me and made me laugh. i needed that so badly. don’t get me wrong, i share an awful lot with all of my friends, it’s just that i only spill my guts to 5% of them.
heartbroken? me? NO.
i am not in love. i would like to think that i could, again, but right now? NO.
but thinking of him makes me happy. and hurt. simultaneously.
*itext lang nya ako ng “ako ba si gael?” and i would tell him.
—
famous last words:
“oh, no, i said too much…”
(R.E.M.)
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